Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
