Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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