just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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