Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
