I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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