I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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