She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
