that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
