he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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