Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
