I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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