he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
