Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
