It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
