I just threw up on my dentist
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
