party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
