I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
