My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
