You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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