I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
