You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
