ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
