thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
