:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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