I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
