the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
