I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
