So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
