VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
