i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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