girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
