I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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