i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
