omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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