You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
