well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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