I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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