Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
