Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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