Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
