and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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