Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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