I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
