i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
