i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
