i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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