She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
