I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
