i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
