Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
