Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
