She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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