he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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