I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
