I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
