tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
