im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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