Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
