Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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