You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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