quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dick very happy bro
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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