but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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