capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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