too bad you live with your parents still
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do herpes really smell.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
