I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
