and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im holly from the hills drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
