I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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