Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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