He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
