i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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