Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
