Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
