I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You smell like stripper and shame
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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