11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
